2009-01-29T10:01:06.974+05:30
Keep your words sweet-you may have to eat them some time : Vachane Ka Daridrata
Yesterday, after I returned from office, my domestic help told me that a very close friend of mine (let us call her x) had called and had left a message for me to call her back. I felt very happy as I had not spoken to x for long and thought it would be great to have a long chat session with her since I was relatively free that evening , my son’s exams having gotten over the previous week. Hence I decided to call her while having my usual cup of coffee after a hard day’s work (this is how I normally justify gulping endless cups of coffee) so that I could enjoy a lively gossip session accompanied by hot filter coffee. But as they say, man proposes and god disposes ; only thing, this time god was not the culprit, but the credit was due to a common friend of ours. When I called my friend x , I found her sounding terribly low over the phone. I could immediately feel that some thing was amiss. So I started enquiring whether she was in the pink of her health or was about to make her purse lighter in exchange for making her doctor’s pocket heavier. But she denied being affected by any thing remotely close to somatic disorder. The reason she was not her usual bubbly self talking nineteen to dozen was that she was extremely pained by some thing told to her by this common friend of ours (let us call her y) . She confided in me by reproducing verbatim the sentences spoken by y without missing a single punctuation mark. When I heard , I also felt very bad for x. But I was in a dilemma. I didn’t know whether to console x or defend y. Both of them were very close friends of mine and were also equally close to each other. In fact many a times, when x was in a soup, it was y who had bailed her out. Also, y deliberately did not hurt her friend, it was just her way of talking; she just did not mind or bother when she told some thing and just ejaculated whatever came to her mind at any given point in time, without realising the consequences . She even did not bother whether the sentences were hitting below the belt or went tangential in the space. So I started putting balm on x’s wounded emotions by saying that y actually could not have meant what she said and she really cared for x, reminding her one by one the incidents which would justify my words. Slowly but steadily I could change her mood and at the end she even started cribbing about her new maid. So I knew , with the help of time the great healer, she would come round the next morning. And as I had predicted she was her usual self again the next morning and every thing was honky dory between she and y. But all along , y was blissfully unaware of the turmoil she created in x’s life for one night and of course my inflated telephone bill.
But after that , I just could not stop musing about the whole episode, thinking how easy it is for a person to make another creature’s life miserable even for a few hours even if the recipient is a loved one. Words have that power… An encouraging word can lift someone down and out and help them make it through the day. Whereas a destructive word to someone who is already down can be the final blow to finish them. Words have changed people, words have changed civilization and it is words who even altered the course of history. Whether it is Martin Luther King or Marx, Churchill or Gandhi , Christ or Budhha it is their spoken word that captivated millions. The power of words is nowhere more glaringly evident that in the divine discourse of the Hindu Scripture Gita which persuaded a reluctant warrior to fight for justice. Such is the power of words..... No wonder a few careless unfeeling words from somebody is enough to kill your spirit!
There is a Chinese proverb which says “ Four things come not back: the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity”. Even though we do not have much control over the last three, with a little care we can control the first one. One just has to just remember the saying “Keep your words sweet - you may have to eat them sometime”
Well , the manner in which people use these all powerful words verbally broadly divides them into five broad categories:
The first category consists of people who intentionally say hurtful things to cause maximum pain to the listener with deliberate sadistic pleasure. They have absolutely no qualms about hitting below the belt, taking into advantage the other parties’ helplessness. These people are incorrigible. But their behaviour is not uniform across all cross section of the society. When they speak to people in influential position, they would be setting new examples in sycophancy. But the best way to tackle these people would be by retaliating on the spot and foiling all their pleasure and may be giving them the visiting cards of few well known psychiatrists. I have nothing to say to these people except that “May God the almighty help these people”
The second category draws their inspiration from the sugar coated bitter pills. They will be so all honey candy in front of you that your blood sugar level might temporarily rise. But the moment you turn your back they will start dissecting your character starting from your 14th ascendants without even the help of any scissors, knives or scalpels. Back-biting is their forte and bitching , most favourite pastime. They do not spare any one, not even their so called friends. They have absolutely no scruples or ethics. They think they have the global right on character assassination. When in presence of A, they will speak ill of B and the moment A exits and B enters, B will be the confidante and A the target. These people are the most dangerous ones as they can cause you the maximum harm without your knowledge. They just can not be trusted as they have no real friend and they are not loyal to any one. The best way to tackle these people is through direct confrontation and if there is no improvement should be ostracized from the group.
The third category is just plain careless bordering on a little insensitive. Most of the times they do not actually mean what they say and allow their impulses get better of them. They are just not guarded. But they mean no harm. My friend ‘y’ will find a place in this category. The best way to handle this category would be through indirect counselling and letting them know how without meaning any thing bad they cause sadness in others.
The fourth category is the one who are normally very cautious and guarded in their speech. They try their best not to hurt any one and in the process some times hurt themselves. But inadvertently some times they slip some thing which might pain others. But these miserable creatures after the slip of tongue are filled with so much remorse that they suffer more than the words. They truly believe in the saying “Swiftest horse cannot overtake the word once spoken”. No advise for this category. They are only to be sympathised and pitied.
The last category of people are the ones who do every thing right. They don’t misbehave nor do they fawn with their speech. They speak as the situation demands and win hearts through their tongue.
At the end I am fondly reminded of a Sanskrit shloka which my maternal grand mother used to recite to me during my childhood days and has been my guide throughout:
Priyavakya Pradanena Sarve Tushyanti Jantavah
Tasmattadeva Vaktavyam Vachane Ka Daridrata
(All the living beings on earth feel happy when they are spoken to in a pleasing manner.So, people should only speak pleasingly to others and not be stingy with good words as there is no dearth of it.)
Sarmistha Pati (Milu)
