My formative years
My formative years
Sarmistha Pati (Milu)
2008-12-16T23:57:33.305+05:30
My formative years
Since this is the first topic on my blog, I felt it had to be about me, the person my son knows as his "Mom" , my family and close friends know as "Mili" and others as "Ritu Malhotra". Well when I say the post has to be about me, I definitely don't want to give an impression as though I have had a very exciting and memorable life so far. My background, my life is simple and rather too predictable. As a child , I was extremely shy , reserved , unassuming and obedient. Except academics, I was not very sure of myself in any other field. Maybe that is what kept me away from being comfortable in un-familiar milieus. Born in an orthodox family that believed in the usual stereotype of “good Indian girl”, my childhood moved on the familiar track of Indian Middle class values. There were strict rule for girls. They had to always watch over their shoulders. They had to remain pure.
But in my family, there was one exception. I was encouraged to be financially independent. I was told that “Independence in life “ can be achieved through a good job and the easiest way to make a career for an Indian youth was through Studies unless of course he or she was as gifted as the great Amitabh Bachan or Lata Mangeskar. For me, I knew my limits as a singer or dancer or painter or a sports person.
So for me , childhood was meant to be studies, books and exams. And slowly but steadily I started considering indulgence in any sort of non-academic thing as blasphemy! Hence during my teens , unlike other girls of my age , I kept make-ups, fashionable clothes, attending parties at bay. And friendship with the opposite sex was the biggest taboo of them all! I followed this regimen with a maniacal zeal and drew great praise from my teachers , friends and family members. I was branded as the goody goody , simple , puritanical teen both in school as well as outside. “ Here goes xxx the real good family girl ", they all would say to their children and I would beam with pride, my behaviour doubly reinforced!
But that did not stop me from being extremely romantic at heart. I had my share of crushes and infatuations, but the teen aged girl in me , turned inwards- Sublimating her natural feelings of normal teenaged girl in long hours of wishful day-dreaming. I would relapse , very often, into my won private world where there were no pressures to confirm to some standard, where there was no need to be good to win praises. I lived there, increasingly everyday, in that small corner of my mind, looking at my other “good self” with strong disdain .
By this time, the reader must be thinking I must have done wonders in academic achievements. Well I did perform better than average in getting into one of the best Engineering Colleges of my state in the first attempt, but I was capable of much more, had it not been for my long hours of day dreaming, living in a delusional world and constant endeavour to show the world that I was as pure as a Lily.. Now in retrospect , I often probe myself whether it was a good idea to denounce everything to gain the image of a good student with a puritanical soul and get into the vicious circle of goodism or I should have had exercised my right to a normal teen-hood.....
But in my family, there was one exception. I was encouraged to be financially independent. I was told that “Independence in life “ can be achieved through a good job and the easiest way to make a career for an Indian youth was through Studies unless of course he or she was as gifted as the great Amitabh Bachan or Lata Mangeskar. For me, I knew my limits as a singer or dancer or painter or a sports person.
So for me , childhood was meant to be studies, books and exams. And slowly but steadily I started considering indulgence in any sort of non-academic thing as blasphemy! Hence during my teens , unlike other girls of my age , I kept make-ups, fashionable clothes, attending parties at bay. And friendship with the opposite sex was the biggest taboo of them all! I followed this regimen with a maniacal zeal and drew great praise from my teachers , friends and family members. I was branded as the goody goody , simple , puritanical teen both in school as well as outside. “ Here goes xxx the real good family girl ", they all would say to their children and I would beam with pride, my behaviour doubly reinforced!
But that did not stop me from being extremely romantic at heart. I had my share of crushes and infatuations, but the teen aged girl in me , turned inwards- Sublimating her natural feelings of normal teenaged girl in long hours of wishful day-dreaming. I would relapse , very often, into my won private world where there were no pressures to confirm to some standard, where there was no need to be good to win praises. I lived there, increasingly everyday, in that small corner of my mind, looking at my other “good self” with strong disdain .
By this time, the reader must be thinking I must have done wonders in academic achievements. Well I did perform better than average in getting into one of the best Engineering Colleges of my state in the first attempt, but I was capable of much more, had it not been for my long hours of day dreaming, living in a delusional world and constant endeavour to show the world that I was as pure as a Lily.. Now in retrospect , I often probe myself whether it was a good idea to denounce everything to gain the image of a good student with a puritanical soul and get into the vicious circle of goodism or I should have had exercised my right to a normal teen-hood.....
2008-12-16T23:57:33.305+05:30
tooo good
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